Artists and thinkers coming together to promote fine crafts, innovation, and honest sustainability.

The best and brightest artists and thinkers coming together to promote fine crafts, original thought, and honest sustainability.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Terror, fear, and bracelets.

Lately, I wake up in the morning and on recent days, I am happier than I have ever been. The safety net is gone, the abyss is looming, and I get to wake up every day happy because I am doing something that makes me feel balanced. For the first time in my life I actually know what authenticity feels like. For the first time ever, I don’t feel intellectualized….I feel authentic. I am not here for success, or prestige, or security. I am doing this because none of those things made me happy. I used to think that there was something wrong with me because I was never content…. because contentment felt synonymous with complacency…. and complacency felt like failure. Now, contentment feels like a warm blanket… the kind that comes straight out of the dryer and smells like home.

I am a designer.

For the first time in my life, I feel brave in my bones. My mother is an artist. My whole life I watched her kill herself to keep our lives afloat, and the whole time I watched, loving her, respecting her, wanting so badly for her to learn how to rest…. all the while swearing that i would never want that life. I have fought it for thirty years, and now here I am…. proclaiming four little words that terrify me…. I am a designer. No apologies, no caveats. I am taking a road less taken. I am signing up for less money and more life, less killing myself, more sweet mornings with the people I love. The past year of my life was filled with the deepest pain I have ever known, and then the greatest relief I never thought possible. I have known huge ups and huge downs and have come out knowing that I will never again sell my life. My time is precious and I vow to fill it by bringing as much beauty as I can into the world.

I am a designer.

I am a designer

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